I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
