went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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