she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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