she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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