how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
