Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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