I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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