I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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