Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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