I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
