Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
