So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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