felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
