You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
