I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
