I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
