and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
