Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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