haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
