he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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