So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
