another moral hangover. fuck.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
