Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
