I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just forgot I was standing up.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
