Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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