i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
