I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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