Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
