i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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