please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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