if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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