she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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