But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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