I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
