I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You left your phone here
Wait...
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