Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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