I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
