just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
