i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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