Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i believe in u and ur pee
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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