I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
