the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
