I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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