Three words: puerto rican gang bang
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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