We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
