Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
