Swine flu. Run for my life!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize