we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
