You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
