What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
