Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
