I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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