Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
