I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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