Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
