If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
