He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
