Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We had sex on a dog bed..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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