I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
