Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
