i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
