I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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