I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
