Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
