Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm really busy with my period
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