did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
