there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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