it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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