I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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